Compliments of ... Not Hannah

So I don’t think I have really told you guys how a typical “getting to know you” conversation goes in Honduras. I love it. It is so predictable. The only variation is the order of questions:

“What is your name?”

“Hannah Bryce Ferguson.”

(You may be thinking dear God, why do you give your entire name? Do you have name turrets? No, I do not. But if I don’t give my whole name the next question is “What is your last name?”)

“What state are you from?”

“Florida.”

“Oh! Miami!”

“Well yeah, but I’m about 7 hours North of Miami.”

“Oh, is that near (insert one) New York/Los Angeles/Houston/California?”

“No, not really.”

“Oh, I have a brother/uncle/husband in the states.” “Oh really? Where?”

“Texas (for example).”

“Oh, are they legal or illegal?”

“Illegal.” (almost always).

“Ah, that’s a tough life.”

(I have learned that the legal/illegal question is perfectly acceptable)

“How long have you been here?” “How long are you staying”

“I have been here for 4 months and I will be here for 2 more years. I have been in this town for 1 month.”

(I never know which one they are asking so I always just answer both questions.)

“Do you have a boyfriend?” “No, I do not have a boyfriend. I don’t really want one right now. I had one in the states.” (This extra information usually prevents the “I have a son/ cousin/ nephew/ brother who…)

(This question can vary depending on who is asking and how sly they are “Is your husband in Peace Corps too?” “Is your husband in the states?” “What is your boyfriends name?” Is your husband going to come visit?”)

“Do you have children?”

“Umm…. no.”

(I always really want to answer yes and make some long elaborate lie about how I left my kids in the states. But then I remember that a lot of the women here are single moms because their spouse left to work in the states. So the question really is reasonable. Then I feel like an asshole.)

“Are you Catholic or Evangelical?”

“My family is Protestant. I was raised Protestant.”

(This usually is followed by blank stares from the Honduran, who I am sure is thinking “What is a Protestant and why didn’t she answer the question?” I feel bad for my Jewish friends.)

This is usually where introductions end and one of the following conversational questions ensues (And I am really not joking…):

“Have you tried Rosquillas?” (When in Sabanagrande)

“Do you like mangoes? Would you like 1 (which means 5)?” (When in Pespire)

“Have you tried Papusas?” (When in Valle de Angeles)

“Do you know Baraq Obama?” (Seriously people…. Seriously.)

“Do you like our country?”

And my personal favorite…

“What do you think about the war in Iraq?” (You would be amazed how often I get this question from all ages of Hondurans)

Oh so seriously, last week we were discussing how amazing it would be to bring the phrase “Qué Barbaridad” to the states. And I am sure you all agree with me. Well, I have noticed recently that there is a lazy version of “Qué Barbaridad” that would be absolutely amazing in the states. It makes me laugh inside every time. “Qué Barbara.” When you just don’t have the energy to get out an entire “How Barbaric” just blame it on Barbara!