ATTN: All Males (Animals and Humans!) New, Critical Information from Honduras!

My friend, let's call her Happy, is always telling me stories about the weird beliefs/superstitions Hondurans have shared with her. She seems to have encountered an abnormal amount in our short time in the country, but yesterday I finally experienced my own "weird Honduran beliefs."

Yesterday morning I was eating breakfast with a frequent guest in our little "restaurant." Considering he is a frequent guest (and apparent friend of the family), he was sitting at the family table in the kitchen. This man, he'll be named Cafe, works with a coffee cooperative in the area, and therefore is very particular about his coffee, and I might add, very-well educated.

Naturally, people here are very particular about their coffee, because we're in a major coffee producing area of the country. Many Hondurans don't understand this comparison, but the different aromas, flavors that Napa Valley so proudly cultivates in their wine resembles the importance of the cultivation of coffee in Copan. Not having been a big coffee drinker before my time here in Corquin, I did not realize that coffee taste can vary like fine wines or good micro-brews. By the time I leave here I will be well-versed in the subtle differences of coffee production in the Copan area (maybe).

In any case, considering I am not a seasoned coffee drinker (I still can't drink it black), and the amount of coffee I some times drink in any given day (it's everywhere! Like water!), I have resorted to using a non-dairy creamer in place of sugar in my coffee. It really started to add up ...

A couple weeks ago Cafe was having breakfast while I prepared my coffee and was very dismayed at my use of creamer. Being a purist, he suggested I take my coffee black, since the coffee is produced by my host mother, and apparently of exceptional quality. At the very least I should add milk or do as Hondurans do and add 5 tbps. of sugar.

Well, he yells at me not to add creamer again yesterday and he was in luck, because I had forgotten it at the office. So I add some milk and sit down at the table to drink my coffee and eat my cornflakes (yes, I have become a huge fan of cornflakes in place of the common, heavy Honduran breakfast).

"Do you know why you shouldn't put creamer in your coffee?" he asks me.
"Not really ... additives? Substitutes?" I stammer, a little annoyed that my usually solo breakfast has been interrupted for an early morning quiz. At this point, I would like to add that I really didn't know where he was going to take this. Surprisingly, Hondurans are very particular about their health, despite the amount of carbs and oil they consume in a day; on top of the 2 liters of Coca-Cola a family tends to drink at every meal. Considering their preoccupation with their "health," I was expecting something like additives producing cancer...

"Do you have a boyfriend, Hannah?" Hmm ... this is a little off topic. Not quite sure where he's going to take this...
"Yes, yes I do."
"Then don't give him the creamer in his coffee! Know why? Because creamer has the same chemicals in it that they put in fish food and cow food. Want to know what's in that food??"
Me, thinking, here we go...
"Coincidentally, I don't!"
Cafe, (with his very feminine hand gestures) says,"The food and creamer have chemicals that turn males, ALL males ... (wait for it...) GAY!!"


:Pause for reaction:

Now, I had just taken a bite of cornflakes and just about choked on them. SO NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING! Creamer makes ALL MALES (animals and humans alike) GAY. Yes folks, beware that chemicals exist in this world that, simply with ingestion, you will become gay. But, thankfully, it only happens to men. I mean ... where do you get this stuff?? AND, not only are our men turned gay, but fish food and cow food are contaminated as well! All our fish and cows are gay! What has the world come to?

And the thing is, Hondurans don't joke around with this stuff. He was completely serious when he told me this and was seriously concerned that I had been feeding my boyfriend creamer and that he had been turned gay.

Now, that's Honduran Tall Tale #1. Number 2 happened at the end of the day (they tend to catch you when you're most off-guard and have less energy to fight back!)

I've had meetings early in the morning the last couple of days, and considering that I'm inexplicably tired all the time, I couldn't pull my butt out of bed to get to the gym early. Therefore, I have been resorting to going at night after my English classes.

Last night, feeling a short burst of energy, I climbed on the treadmill and ran for 30 minutes. Naturally, the gym has no semblance of circulation and it's a gagillion degrees inside. People must think Americans sweat in abnormal amounts, because whenever Laura and I leave we are completely drenched in sweat.

I arrived home at around 9 o'clock, and considering I had an early morning the next day, I wanted to quickly get showered and go to bed (like 9 is so late, right?) Anyways, the Evil Bathroom continues to torture me, and I shower in a different place every day. I went to the bathroom in the kitchen to retrieve my shower puff so that I could shower in the Evil Bathroom, and encountered various people drinking their late night coffee.

"Are you going to shower????!!!!" says the nice lady who works in the kitchen.
Me, forgetting that Hondurans don't understand sarcasm, look down at my drenched t-shirt and reply, "Yes. Yes I am going to shower now."

Now, Happy had told me during field based training (FBT) that Hondurans believe that you will get sick if you take a shower at night. I was preparing my response for this superstition, when again they caught me off-guard ....

"That's very dangerous! You're "agitated" from working out. Look! You're all red! You can't get in the shower now! You'll get sick. You're :host mom: waits at the VERY LEAST 1/2 hour. You should wait until 10 pm. You should ask her!"

All the while, I'm blustering, trying to figure out how to explain that I won't fall ill if I take a shower. All the while, I'm becoming more convinced that they might tackle me if I actually try to shower before 10 p.m. Also, they told me to ask my host mom, because apparently she went to school as a nurse before she started the coffee business. I ask you ... WHAT are they teaching in those nursing schools if a professional is sure that taking a shower after exercise could make you deathly ill? WHAT??

Walking back to the Evil Bathroom, I burst into laughter, because I had a double-header for weird-Honduran-beliefs, both of which were thoroughly entertaining. I ran to try to call Happy, but her phone was off, so I called Cat instead, barely able to talk because I kept giggling.

Considering that I am typing this blog the next day, I did not get sick from taking a shower about 20 minutes after exercising. I even washed my hair!

Lesson learned in Honduras yesterday: 1) Don't let men consume creamer (if you want one for yourself) 2) Showering right after exercising is strictly forbidden. YOU WILL DIE!

Oh, I love it!