Floaters

So I went on my study today and came home (fairly early) pretty fried. I don’t know why, but I was. Everyone has those days where all you need is a nice, cold beer. Well, I’m on the car ride home, thinking what I can consume (that’s how it goes) to make myself feel better and it hits me like a ton of rocks …

That Hoegaarden I’ve been saving for, quite honestly, months, is still in my fridge and begging to be drank! I was oh so excited! Get home, feed the dog and go right to the fridge.

Now, I’m going to be honest about something right now: Peace Corps Volunteers drink a fair amount. You get a bunch of stressed, isolated 20-something kids (the majority) together and what do you think they are going to do? When we were going through training the Peace Corps doctors had a little session about substance abuse and alcoholism in Peace Corps. I was kind of surprised and looked around, thinking, who here would ever become an alcoholic? No one. That’s absurd! Well, now that I’m not some ignorant trainee I realize it would be really easy to become an alcoholic in Peace Corps (if it weren’t for the booze sucking so bad).

Well, don’t remember the purpose of that mini-rant, because I am most certainly not becoming an alcoholic … yes, now I remember. For as much as people (meaning PCVs) in this country drink, no one EVER has a bottle cap opener! I mean, que fue? What’s that all about? Well, I’ve got a can opener that I tried to use, but apparently that isn’t sufficient. I’m sitting here in the kitchen yelling at a can opener, “Just open my damn beer! Well, I finally go to get my swiss army knife, open the beer and take the first glorious sip … “I love my life!”

Got outside, pull down my hammock and just chill. Swaying back and forth, I start singing, “Beer, beer, beer. I love beer!” Today is the most beautiful day with warm, late afternoon sun and a gentle breeze; perfect weather for chilling in a hammock and drinking a nice beer. Well, I’m sitting here, watching the dogs (yes, I put an “S” on dog because Pablo has returned) and relaxing, feeling the “stress” melting away and the light hits my beer in such a way that I can see … ALL THE CRAP FLOATING IN IT!

WTF?? This is a grave, grave problem. Here I am, enjoying my beer, loving the fact that I saved the beer for this moment and that I have such a wonderful life, and then there’s crap floating in my beer. My life was wonderful (at that moment) because of the beer and now all my dreams have been dashed to hell by lots of tiny, suspicious particles floating in it. You know how you stare at something, without blinking for what seems like eons because you just can’t believe that that is happening at the moment? Yeah, that was me.

I rotate the beer, slowly and locate a suspicious spot on the inside of the bottle. It looks like a flat slug … “Maybe it’s chocolate …,” I say to myself in an optimistic tone, “Yeah, and maybe you’re on crack! How did chocolate get in your beer? You don’t have that kind of luck …” FINE!

As I’m investigating these particles in my beer I continue to drink it, albeit a little bit faster than before, as if the velocity affects the amount of harm these unknown floaters can do to my body/mental stability. The more I rotate the bottle I notice a kind of milky-ness emanating from the sludge-like spot. Gross. Sip. What is that? Sip. Should I keep sipping? The part of my mind that really wanted that beer in the first place screams, “YES!”

Eventually, unfortunately, I pull myself from my hammock and get a glass. I carefully pour the remaining beer into the cup, closely monitoring the liquid coming from the bottle. No floaters. Am I insane? All the remaining beer is now in my cup, clear as the day and I’m completely puzzled. I look into the bottle and my mysterious slug is gone now too. There is a bunch of crud at the bottom of the bottle, but it doesn’t look like it had ever been floating. Whatever. Drink rest of beer.

I’m going to go eat some chocolate.