The Day My Personal Space Was Violated

I don’t feel like giving all this back story so … I have a Honduran friend Jackie who was graduating with her teaching degree, which is a really big deal and I was the only one (including family) who went to watch her graduate. It was awesome and stressful.

We got to the university around 7:30 am, where I promptly located the exotic food … the Dunkin Donuts! stand and proceeded to try to eat them out of every donut they shipped in; I saw them in their packaging, but that didn’t discourage me. From there everything pretty much dissolved into chaos. I tried to hold onto my donut high, but then people invaded my personal space and I went nuts. Heh.

So they were supposed to get there early to organize themselves, which makes sense. The day before they had done a run through and, foolishly, I thought that things were going to go smoothly. I mean, I don’t think you can argue with me when I saw the U.S. is much more organized than Honduras in all aspects of life. I’m not hating on Honduras, just stating the truth. So when I walked onto the campus that morning I should have been prepared, but foolishly was unaware of the mayhem that would ensue.

Now, no one wants to go to a graduation. I didn’t want to go to my college graduation. It’s boring and you sit there, and let’s be honest, the only moment you really care about is getting your diploma and maybe seeing a couple of friends get theirs. After that, you just want to get out of those itchy, hot gowns and go eat some good food and get some presents! I mean, if you were ever to catch your parents and grandparents in a very honest conversation I’m sure they would admit that they dreaded every graduation. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if parents based the number of children they wanted to have on the number of graduations they would have to attend. I mean, I feel sorry for my grandparents because they will have attended record number of graduations between children and grandchildren. We all know they’re boring!

Occasionally, during my life here in Honduras, I realize major differences between the U.S. and this country. Sometimes these realizations are e subtle and other times they will have to in a deep depression for several weeks. Other times, like in Jackie’s graduation, they will have you on the verge of punching someone in the face …
For instance, if you are in a big crowd of people in the U.S. people (most) will do their best to move for you if you are unfortunate enough to have to push your way through the crowd.

“Excuse me, excuse me. Sorry …” and generally you will at least see them make an effort, even if it’s only a millimeter. Well, in Honduras it’s like they immediately sprout roots into the concrete the moment their feet get planted. There’s over 1,000 people graduating in the entire country at the same time and they’re all standing around the same entrance trying to get through the one open door at the same time!! I was in the unfortunate position to be fighting my way OUT. You know how you feel when you get pushed under a really strong wave in the ocean? You’re fighting for breath and trying to get to the surface, but the wave breaks on you and keeps you tumbling around under water until you get so desperate for air that you think you’re going to drown? Yeah? That’s how I felt fighting through those people.

No one would move! I was trying to be as polite as possible, but at one point I came across a woman who would not budge and gave me the most evil look and I just stared at her and growled, “Really?” I love being able to speak in English like that, because even though she probably got the jist of what the comment was, I still feel sneaky and cunning because I can be a smart ass without detection.

Well, after the terrible ocean drowning flashbacks, I emerged from the sea of graduates and though, “Now what. I have an hour to sit here?” So I called Chris to complain about my terrible experience with pushy Hondurans. Didn’t find much comfort there as he immediately says, “That will suck! I didn’t even go to my graduation!” I KNOW RIGHT!
Now, don’t get me wrong, because I am very honored that Jackie invited me and I am even more honored that I was there to see her accomplish such a huge thing in her life.
Jackie calls me from inside and says that family and friends are started to pick seats and she wanted me to be close to the front so I could take pictures. I stand up, take a deep breath and plunge back into the chaos. Now, why on Earth would you have one door open when a gagillion people are trying to get into one single building? Especially, when said building has like six available doors? Come on now people.

Now most of you are probably giggling at the thought of me struggling with all these people trying to get through this door. I think I defied nature in legitimately blowing steam from my ears. Hondurans are INCREDIBLY pushy people I realized in that moment and if I tried to fight it I was bound to lose my mind on the spot. Instead, I took to muttering, “This is so stupid. Why is one door open? Please God help me get through this. Oh man. Take a deep breath … NO NO. Don’t yell. Calm. Tranquila.”

I finally got in and picked my seat based on the fact that it was A) close to the front and Jackie approved B) there was no one remotely close to me. I get settled and get both cameras ready. There was quite a bit of time until the ceremony started so I pulled out my book and settled in for a short reading session.

At this moment there was sooo much space on the bleachers. I mean, you could have you pick of any row and this family chose to sit RIGHT next to me. And when I say next I pretty much mean right on top of me. Literally. The man sat down on my thigh. I drop my book into my lap and say to myself, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” And then I decided to wage war. I had more space on my other side so I scooted over a bit, but he immediately conquered that extra space. At that moment I realized that I could not give him more room, because over of the course of the ceremony he would take over all my carefully preserved personal bubble. I’d have to take back my own lost territory. It was on!

Now after you read this blog post you might be finally convinced of my insanity and I cannot argue with you on that point. I was paying attention to the ceremony when all the Corquin people graduated and beyond that my mind was consumed by this serious affront to my personal space bubble (which is, in fact, the size of a football field).
At this point, I will share with you some of my thoughts during this very stressful time in my life. I was so stressed out I ripped pages out of my book and started to write about it, because it served to calm me down for a millisecond.

- Hondurans are quite possibly one of the more rude populations in the world. The couple next to me: I just witnessed the wife make her husband spread his legs so that they had more space on the bleachers. We officially are making contact from our knees all the way up our torsos.

- “Latino culture is the worst place for a personal space “nut’ to live. I’m sitting, looking through the crowd at other single women who have plenty of space and …

SIDEBAR: He just put on his glasses to see what I was writing! The nerve!

… envying the abundance of space they have maintained. I’m sitting here next to this man (by no means tall) who has managed to expand to the size of HULK! I’ve become resentful and angry and I have decided to wage a campaign to re-conquer my lost space. I’ve gently nudged back and started to expand myself to show that I’m not backing down without a fight! … Unfortunately, he hasn’t noticed.”

I’m not kidding. I wrote that while I was waiting. I’m a child. But, in my defense, I was really distressed. I sent Kathryn this text, “In NO WAY should a perfect stranger have this much bodily contact with me!! If this guy moves one more inch I might just lost it.” She told me to just breathe.

Finally the ceremony started and I was distracted a bit, although when we had to stand for the national anthem and it was time for my final strike! When the anthem ended I sat down so fast you would think we were playing musical chairs to win $1 million. I reclaimed a significant amount of space and in a very childish manner (in my head) exclaimed, “HAH! I WIN!”

Eventually, the family did leave and I was left alone to recover my sanity. I really can’t help but laugh at myself because it’s so ridiculous, but I honestly was having a slight panic attack. Now I will talk seriously of the graduation …

The entire country graduated at the same time. Now, I didn’t quite understand this, but they are all graduating with various levels of teach degrees. You can graduate as a tecnico, which I honestly don’t know what that means, or you can graduate with your licienciatura, which is what Jackie got. This is like your bachelor’s degree from what I understand. So in all there were over 1,000 people. The ceremony was very simple with only the director of the department speaking before they started calling names. After all the names were called, there were very short closing remarks and then everyone left. I was disappointed that they didn’t throw the hats up in the air. Actually, I felt like no one seemed to be very excited. They didn’t even really cheer or clap for themselves!

Now the following was just about the most unfortunate series of events that I could ever imagine happening after a graduation. In the weeks before the ceremony, I remember Jackie talking about all the paperwork they had to do to actually graduate. They headed to Tegucigalpa a few days beforehand to do all the administrative stuff. Now, I don’t remember that end of the deal when I graduated, probably because it was all online and incredibly easy. Honduras should consider that method for the following years.

After graduation, instead of the congratulatory hugs and (in my case) the exchange of gorgeous George’s Flowers bouquets, Jackie runs up, grabs my arm and we run to get in line. Now, in following of the George’s Flowers tradition, I did get Jackie flowers. I know she loves flowers; I love flowers and who wouldn’t want to receive flowers as an in-the-moment congratulations? Admittedly, I only got her two flowers because bouquets were wickedly expensive, but it’s quality and no quantity, eh?

I didn’t even have time to give Jackie her flowers and the handmade card I made her! So the ceremony ends at 12:30 and we immediately get in line to wait there until 4:00 p.m. I’ll let that sink in!!

Imagine accomplishing something that momentous and having to do more paperwork immediately afterwards? Maybe to make it more striking, because a lot of people get their bachelor’s degrees now, it would be like getting your PhD or something and not being able to celebrate something so huge! Turns out they paid 600 lempiras to rent their gowns and had to wait to get the deposit back along with the other 1,000 people!
No one had any idea that it would take this long. Naturally, it was incredibly disorganized, and no one had any idea if they were in the right line, etc. I occupied myself with reading and texting a friend for cool restaurant suggestions for the celebratory lunch, but around hour three I was getting a little impatient. Finally, Jackie finished, but she was so tired and frustrated she didn’t want to go out to eat. Her aunt and cousins were throwing a celebratory dinner later that evening and it didn’t make sense to eat a fancy meal only a few hours beforehand. So where did we have Jackie’s celebratory graduation lunch? Subway. Now, I was pretty excited, secretly, because anything remotely American style fast food gets me all worked up for the novelty, but I was also extremely disappointed.

Easily my favorite part of my graduation was having my family and grandparents there. I spend weeks picking out a restaurant that everyone would like. Grandpa doesn’t like to get too exotic and Pap-Pap once said that his favorite country he ever visited was Greece. Did this factor into my restaurant decision? You betcha! I lived in D.C. and loved trying new foreign foods. I harassed my Mom about her opinion on various ethnic restaurants until she exploded, “Hannah just pick one!” I remember Grandma (both in fact, maybe) ordered a dish similar to the one in Ratoutillle, which provoked a little mental chuckle for me. Yes, I’m being nostalgic, but that was my favorite part! All of the most important people in my life (well, most at least) sharing a really good meal. Plus, we had mimosas!

So, you would imagine my disappointment when Jackie’s big meal, which I had obviously worked up in my head, was in a food court eating Subway sandwiches. Also, I just feel bad for the graduates in general. Instead of being able to leave and celebrate their accomplishments, they had to wait in line for hours until the point they were too exhausted and frustrated to even feel happy for themselves. Jackie and I were going to take a little weekend vacation, but the rest of the Corquin graduates immediately jumped on their bus to start the 10 hour drive back to Copan. Just really unfortunate!

Jumping a few hours ahead … Jackie’s aunt lives in Tegucigalpa with her five daughters and various grandchildren. Jackie lived with her aunt while she was studying and has a very close bond with this side of her family. All five daughters are educated with one engineer, one doctor and three teachers with their bachelor’s degrees. It’s a pretty big accomplishment as I understand that she was a single mother as well and it’s just not that normal for young women to be so educated. I realized I really liked these women immediately. They’re smart and open-minded ; they were discussing homosexuality and all agreed that it’s a sexual preference and not a mental disease, etc., which is a huge departure from most people’s opinions in Honduras.

Jackie’s family reminded me very much of my own. Everyone was always talking at the same time and inevitably someone was making fun of/harassing one sibling or another at any given moment. Kids were running all over the place and there was even an aunt who specialized in making the boys feel uncomfortable by catching them and demanding kisses! It was complete loving chaos.

We ate good food and I enjoyed every moment. They made me feel very much at home. I still would have given anything to be at a family gathering with my own family, but it was a good substitution.