Timeshare with Cockroaches

I finished my first study yesterday. I’m done with the equipment at least and now have moved on to the ever-so-scary design process. One of the earlier Wat/San Volunteers made this uber complicated spreadsheet on Excel to design these gravity systems. I mean, this thing is so massive that whenever I save it my computer is too overwhelmed to function for 30 seconds; this is the new computer!

Anyways, I was thinking this morning about the weird creatures (mostly bugs) that I have encountered in my time in Honduras. What does this have to do with my study? I’m not sure, but manly the campesinos that help me during the studies really only seem to enjoy the part where the show the gringa the creepy bugs along the way. Yesterday was the first day I had done a study by myself and it was really boring. I mean, with Kathryn there we can joke around a little bit and it eventually gets boring, but it’s not the entire day alone! The campesinos don’t really talk that much. The only time they get animated is when they get to chop stuff down to clear a view for the equipment. For those 5 minutes they’re chattering and destroying every living thing in their way and then they return to being zombies when I shout, “Ok! That’s enough!” I mean, they’re chopping stuff that isn’t even remotely close to the equipment at this point. These guys are machete happy … and it makes me want one!
According to the campesinos everything “pica.” Everything stings and everything will manchar (like stain) my skin, especially gringas. Despite the fact that every bug in Honduras seems to pose a serious threat to my health and my skin I have developed a tolerance for freaky bugs. I was never one to be scared of bugs or spiders. I have bugs that I don’t like and the weirder ones always provoke a little more hesitance, but mostly I am a tolerant person on the bug front.

Although, what I am not tolerant of are the tiny gnat-like creatures in the campo! Yesterday I didn’t wear long-sleeves to Joconales and immediately regretted it. Those little buggers bite and it hurts! It’s not like mosquitoes where it’s just annoying; you have these bites for DAYS and they ache and itch at the same time! Terrible creatures and apparently there’s a plague in Joconales. LOVE IT! Also, they seem to love biting on the elbows, which is just cruel. I don’t know if you are able to recall how terrible it is for your elbow to itch, but trust me, it’s terribly annoying! Actually, yesterday I experienced my first neck bite and I will say that that’s rivaling the elbows. So uncalled for!

Despite the fact that my house is a little old and seems to be more open to a myriad of problems, such as cockroaches, electrical problems and an increasingly leaky roof, it does seem to keep out the really creepy creatures.

I have a very large spider that lives in my bathroom who I have decided to leave in my bathroom. Every day I regarded him with some hesitence because he is quite an interesting looking spider. By interesting I mean terrifying. Probably the day I named him, Flat Stanley, was the day it was decided he wouldn’t be humanely disposed of outside. I was contemplating name options when I was … brushing my teeth … and Flat Stanley seemed perfect. He’s flat, but also the name brings back warmer childhood memories (I never actually did Flat Stanley, but my brother and sister did and I remember thinking it was a cool idea…) and therefore makes him less terrifying. I hadn’t seen Flat Stanley in a while and was starting to worry that he had deserted me, but when I was brushing my teeth this morning he was there in his usual spot. He is pretty creepy looking; didn’t really remember how creepy looking he is, but now that he’s named he’s here to stay.

I’ve also accepted the presence (albeit diminished presence) of cockroaches in my house. I don’t see them as often as I used to. The can of Raid still resides in a handy spot, but hasn’t been used in a little while. All my food is securely stored in various containers and I think this has helped a lot. My bathroom seems to be their main stronghold, which is acceptable, I suppose. On midnight puppy pee outings I see fewer of those nasty little creatures running around. I tried to drown one in the sink the other night, but was unsuccessful. My only real problem with them being in the bathroom is their potential occupation of the toilet seat. Ensuring that my puppy is not going to pee all over the house (which he somehow still accomplishes some nights) I also find it is also good for the health of my bladder.

One of the first couple of nights I lived here I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and noticed movement under the toilet seat. I should have ignored my curiosity and endured the urge, but instead lifted the toilet seat to find like three cockroaches crawling around. GROSS. Since then I’ve had this fear that they’re there every time I go to sit down. Also doesn’t help that I don’t have electricity in my bathroom and therefore have to rely on a headlamp to light the room.
Remember, as a kid where you just have unfounded fears of certain things? Monsters under the bed, wolves in the backyard at night (that was me) or possibly creepy creatures crawling out of the toilet bowl? No? No one? I remember a classmate supposedly “read” in the newspaper (keep in mind I was probably in third grade when this happened) that a baby alligator was living in a family’s toilet and they discovered its residence in their bathroom when it viciously bit the father during a prolonged bathroom visit. For a while after I heard this story I was a little freaked out that we had a baby alligator too. I remember trying to find the most effective I’m-ready-to-flee position, all the while momentarily checking that nothing had climbed out of the plumbing.

With time and maturity I think I eventually got over the fear, but now I feel like a little kid again. I routinely clean my bathroom to keep it from being gross and therefore desirable place for cockroaches to live. Even though I doubt they’re still wandering around my toilet bowl I cannot help but have a little bit of anxiety each time I go in there in the middle of the night. I think the kid inside me is somewhat triumphant that one of those “unfounded fears” has somewhat been fulfilled.
At any rate, I now consider myself to have timeshare with cockroaches. I am the daytime inhabitant and they are permitted limited roaming in the night time. One creature that has been denied a timeshare was the creepy little creature I encountered in my bed last night. I was putting some clothes away and saw something dart under the sheet; “Aww HELL NO!”

Outside: perfect.
On the floor, in my house: permissible.
Under the toilet seat: depends on your biting capabilities.
In my bed: not in your life!

Not only was this THING in my bed, but it was one funky looking bug. It almost looked what I would imagine a baby scorpion to look like. It was about half an inch long and had what appeared to be underdeveloped claws. The thorax was kind of like a bee with striped black and orange. It took me forever to get it onto a tissue and I promptly tossed it out the window. I then had to empty my entire bed to ensure that its brothers and sisters weren’t crawling around in my sheets still.

So this is the agreement I’ve struck with the bugs here in Honduras and with Honduras itself. There are certain parts of Honduras and its culture that I will politely tolerate and other things that I just can’t bring myself to accept. For instance, they are building a warehouse in front of my house. I now have about 15 Honduran men outside my home from 6:30 am to about 4:00 pm, unless they decide to hang out on the steps and drink soda (at least it’s not alcohol). After the first week of “Hello amor!” every time I passed, we have now gotten it down to “Hello!” Granted I can still hear them say, “Here she comes!” or “She’s going to take me to the States!” but I appreciated the effort at discretion. I think they realized I ignored them more when they harassed me than when they were more polite.

SIDENOTE: I just had to chase a vulture away from drinking out of my pila. I wash my clothes with that water! UNACCEPTABLE. No timeshare there either!

Anyways, there’s a little boy (like 12 years old) that continuously harasses me. I mean, every time I pass I hear, “TSSSST TSST TSSST!” Do this out loud. Go ahead, do it. Have a friend do it. Now imagine some prepubescent little boy doing this multiple times as day TO HIT ON YOU! How annoying is that?? It’s supposed to be a compliment, but to me it’s more like nails on a chalkboard. Plus, after the first couple of times I get the point and don’t feel as though it’s necessary for this to occur every time I pass!

I have now taken to just mumbling like a crazy woman when I walk by, “:mumble: how OLD are you?? :mumble mumble:”

“I’m old enough to be your mother! … Hannah, that’s a long shot. I mean, you would have had to be sexually active at a pretty early age …” At this point I realize people are staring at me, not in the “There’s the white girl!” way, but the, “Hey look … the white girl is talking to herself, weird.” sort of way.

On less tolerant days, “F******* OFF!” Being in Honduras has encouraged my swearing because there’s this assumption that people can’t understand that you’re saying…

A) Hondurans watch enough movies that they might recognize the majority of the words

B) The general sentiment of swearing is generally understood (like when my electricity went out and I used every curse word to express my frustration. My neighbor who yelled, “Hey!” probably understood more or less that these were bad words.

I’ve been trying to make more of an effort, but with this kid I just can’t help myself. That’s my least favorite form of pirropos (cat-calling), the “TSSST TSSST!” Little creeper. Maybe if he thinks I’m crazy he won’t bother me so much.
This was meant to be a short little blog about bugs and turned into a freaking novel. I’m sitting outside, letting the puppy dig up more trash in my backyard and enjoying my new battery life, and it’s so beautiful out that I just kept writing. Also, I think I was in the mood to write a blog, which is good because they’re usually more interesting that way. I should probably do laundry, sweep my floors or start this terrifying design. Probably won’t. Probably will go and watch more Sex and the City and then take a nap. I love being a free agent!